Blessing and Cursing

There is someone in my life who I struggle to love.

I feel anger, disappointment, and frustration with this person. I wish they were different. I say that I don't let those feelings affect me, and try to forgive, but the thoughts are there, harbored in a corner of my heart, where I often bring them out and think on them. Nurse them. Feed them.

...and take every thought captive to obey Christ... 2 Corinthians 10:5b

This morning I was reading the kids a story from this book, and the story was based on this verse:

Bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. Luke 6:28

I began to think about how I struggle to love this particular person, how I fail to 'bless' them...even though I am not receiving 'cursing' from them or anything near 'abuse', verbal or otherwise. The Holy Spirit began to convict me of my selfish, self-centered way of loving, which really isn't true Christ-like love at all.

If I am happy with someone, if they are kind and considerate to me, it's easy to love them. But, if someone hurts me, I find myself harboring those hurts in my heart and keeping my 'blessing' from them. What a terrible 'love-er' I am!

I want to become a woman who loves as I should:freely and with no regard for getting in return. I have been given so much--salvation and life and good gifts from God. Did I deserve that love from Him? Certainly not. Yet He gave it freely.

but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 7:8

I began to think of this parable. I realized that I have been the 'wicked servant'! Who am I to begrudge any wrongs done to me, when Christ has forgiven me so much?

I am so thankful that God is revealing this ugliness in my own heart to me. I am even thankful that He has put this difficult person in my life. I see that whatever all God's purposes are, He's using this situation to put a spotlight on areas He wants to change, ways He wants to conform me to His image. All kinds of cliches about pearls and sand and refining fire and gold are coming to mind, but I'll spare you. You get the picture.

God is good. He is faithful. And I'm so glad to belong to Him.