Anniversary

It was one of those fights that just seemed to keep growing bigger.

And louder.

And worse.

I'd come to my wit's end and was so furious that I'd taken my pillow and blanket to the couch to fume. We'd only been married a few months. This was what I'd gotten myself into? What happened to the honeymoon? To 'happily ever after'? Okay....I knew that was fiction, but wasn't it supposed to be easier than this since we loved each other? Why didn't he understand me better? Who was this guy anyway?

Hmmm. My parents are only a couple of hours away, I thought. I can just throw some clothes in the backseat and head out. They won't be happy, but they'll let me stay. This is just a big mistake. This is not what I signed up for.

I was sitting on the couch, crying hot angry tears and considering how to break the news to my parents, when Kevin came into the living room. He knelt down on the floor beside me and very gently said:

I just want you to know that I'm not going anywhere. I know this is hard, but I'm willing to work it out. I love you and I'm sorry that we're having a hard time working this out. Please forgive me for (specific offense).

Although this scene took place almost fourteen years ago, I still remember exactly how it felt to hear Kevin say those words to me. First, I was deeply ashamed. What a faithless young woman I was, to think the thoughts I'd been thinking! Secondly, I was relieved. Kevin had just seen some seriously ugly behavior from me, and yet he was still committed to me. (And he's since seen lots more ugly stuff, but still is steadfast!) And I also remember thinking that I had a lot to learn about real love and commitment, and that I would be learning much of it from my husband's example.

That was in the early months of our marriage, and since that time we've been through more difficult things together, and celebrated many joys together, big and small. I look back and see how God has continued to knit us together and draw us closer. He's allowed us to speak hard-to-hear truth to each other, and to sharpen each other. We have encouraged and balanced each other. And we have been driven to the cross again and again as we see our own sinfulness and selfishness played out in our marriage. Is marriage hard? Yes, often. Is it worth it? Absolutely. I am so blessed to be married to my best friend and biggest fan.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me a husband who is godly and wise and funny and smart, and who's committed to loving and discipling me and our children.

Happy 14th anniversary, Kevin! I'm so glad I get to spend the next fourteen years with you...and the next fourteen after that, if the Lord wills it. Because, I just want you to know:

I'm not going anywhere.

I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine. Song of Solomon 6:3a