Things I Don't Want to Hear Behind Me in Church

This is an excerpt from one of my favorite websites, The Sacred Sandwich. The whole article is well worth the read. Bon Appetite!

Things I Don't Want to Hear Behind Me in Church
1.) Dude, I’m gonna hafta call you back. We’re about to pray or something.”

2.) “Boo-oooo!”

3.) “The pastor looks really cute today.”

4.) “Mommy, my tummy doesn’t feel good. I think I’m gonna throw uh—erpleeeeeck!” (Accompanied by a splashing sound against my seat.)

5.) “Hey there, ladies… nice bibles. You come here often?”

6.) “Zzzzzzzzzz…”

7.) “Sweet! I just scored the last Krispy Kreme at the snack table.”

8.) “He’s good, but he’s no Joyce Meyer.”

10.) “Dang it, I grabbed my Bhagavad-Gita by mistake. The Message Bible is still in the Prius next to my yoga mat.”

11.) “You think they’ll mind if I use the offering basket to break a five?”

12.) “Seven-day sex challenge? Now you’re talking, pastor!”

13.) “I can’t see the pulpit. The guy in front of me has a melon that could show up on Google Earth.”