Reflections on Motherhood

Tomorrow, my firstborn turns 10. I laugh when I remember my thoughts about other moms when Keely was an infant. Oh, she has 7, 9, 12 year-olds. Her kids are older. She's really in a different stage of life. And, foolish as I was, I sought out other mothers who were in the exact same stage of life as I was. It was good in many ways. Those friends were not yet tired of discussing scheduled feedings, sleeping through the night, and postpartum emotions. We passed each others' kids around and appreciated them in all their cuteness. (Dana and Ann, I get misty thinking about those days! :) I can't help but wonder, though, what wisdom I missed out on because I didn't recognize what experienced moms could offer.

So, here I am, reflecting on the changes motherhood has wrought between the ages of 21 and 31.

Then: Tunnel-vision. She's a little doll that'll stay little forever, or so it seems.

Now: 10 years is nothin'. It's flown. And in another 10 she'll be all grown up.


Then: It is extremely important that she is coordinated and clean at all times. Daily baths.

Now: Well, Keely is starting to take charge of her own hygiene and fashion, but for the other littles, I am happy with clean. And that's a relative term.


Then: All vaccinations are scheduled months in advance. Fevers and coughs prompt quick calls to the doctor.

Now: I actually called my doctor's office yesterday to find out what shots we are due for Annesley. I have no idea, really, if we've missed a 'well-baby' appointment. I am so distracted, people.


Then: I never leave the house without my suitcase--I mean diaper bag-- loaded to the gills with clothing changes, snacks, sippy cups, and toys.

Now: Ahhh, we've got some diapers and hand sanitizer in the van. And doesn't the absence of toys and constant stimulation produce some valuable character quality in a kid?


Then: I fear doing the wrong thing. What if she doesn't ever get the "eat-wake-sleep" thing down on the right 3 hour rotation? Am I giving her enough mental stimulation during the day? Will she get enough protien in her diet? 'Cause she really hates that cat-food smelling baby meat...

Now: I fear doing the wrong thing. What will I do when she succumbs to peer-pressure to sin? How can I train and disciple her to be a godly young woman, when she sees my failures and inconsistencies daily? How can I love and relate to her as our relationship changes and grows through the years?


Then: (Inwardly) I'm a pretty good Mom. She comes when I call her and looks people in the eye.

Now: (Inwardly) Lord, pour out your grace on my children!

I think marriage, motherhood, and homeschooling are the three most refining things I've ever attempted. The Lord has been faithful to humble my proud self-reliance again and again, and I am so thankful. And, if anyone reading this is under the impression that having 4 or 6 or 10 kids makes you an expert, I say "Ha!" Be careful if you think you stand, lest you fall, right? I'll share an embarrassing and terrifying tidbit with you: Last week I actually lost Joseph in McDonald's. And, worse yet, found him outside.

What a long post. To conclude my rambling thoughts, I'll quote one of my favorite verses:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23