Lately God has been teaching me some hard lessons... Revealing things to me about myself that I didn't even know. I have never considered myself a worrier, and have felt quite smug that I didn't have that problem. When I thought of a worrier, I pictured someone pacing the floor and wringing their hands with a distacted look in their eyes. That's not me. But God has shown me that I AM a worrier, even if I hide it well and think of it as 'planning', or 'concern'. You see, I have stressed and agonized about my ability to be a good enough mother to my kids since Keely was born. I have read enough parenting books to rival any library's collection, because I feel such a weight and responsibility to give my kids all that they need so that they can have happy,well-adjusted, godly lives as adults. Sounds reasonable, right? Not so. God is showing me (here's the hard part) that I am a broken person with all manner of baggage and sin, and that I am INCAPABLE of giving my kids 'all' that they need. Of course, I strive to give them all that I think is good and right and purposely train and instruct them as we rise up, lie down, and go out. But I will fail, daily, by commission and omission to be the perfect parent.
Thanks be to my amazing Father in Heaven that He is that perfect parent! I am learning to trust Him with my children: with their days, their education, their spiritual maturing, their futures. My sister-in-law has said, tounge-in-cheek, that she's starting her kids' therapy fund now, because she knows they'll need it later. It's a funny joke with a bit of truth. Even the best, most ideal parent doesn't create some kind of super-human with no issues. We not only have the mistakes our parents made arranged on our plate; but also our own sinful desires from inside our own hearts.
I am learning to daily choose to think less of myself and my importance in my children's lives so that I can think more of God's importance in their lives.
1 hour ago